i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
