Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
