This gyro tastes like lonliness
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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