I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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