she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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