see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
