i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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