My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
