it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
