i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
how does that bad decision feel?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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