she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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