i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
