I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Dicks are not precious.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
