oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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