And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
