I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
