I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
