Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Randomize
