I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i will never coherently bang her
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
