She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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