He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
