Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
