Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
