My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
