just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
