just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
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Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
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I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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