Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
