I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
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