I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.