Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea