If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child