I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
Pick me up at 9.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me