put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning