My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
