HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
God, I missed his penis.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
