Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
