I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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