Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
