You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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