Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
