Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
