she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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