In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
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