Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
