They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
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All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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