yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
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Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
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I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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