when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
