What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize
