So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
