I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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