I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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