im six kinds of drunk right now
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
She swung at the pinata with crutches
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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