Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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