I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
