Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
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5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
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The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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