Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
