I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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