Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Randomize
