She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Randomize
