I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
