Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
