No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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