i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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