when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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