what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
