He is an equal opportunity slut.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Are we still banned from the library?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
