o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
you have to choose: penises or morals?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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