Will you blow on my dice?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
