'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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