when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
