um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?