It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
