Texts From Last Night

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  (678): View more from Georgia

  The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.

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  (678): The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic. http://tfl.nu/0ai8
  Replies (56) Good night (10205) Bad night (1410)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.

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  (702): you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly. http://tfl.nu/rajr
  Replies (11) Good night (4101) Bad night (878)
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  (931): View more from Tennessee

  Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.

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  (931): Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex. http://tfl.nu/p49h
  Replies (46) Good night (14345) Bad night (2074)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.

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  (405): No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull. http://tfl.nu/uent
  Replies (16) Good night (4044) Bad night (1050)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.

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  (201): You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked. http://tfl.nu/py4z
  Replies (7) Good night (3910) Bad night (1056)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.

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  (610): His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here. http://tfl.nu/72ey
  Replies (13) Good night (2149) Bad night (1203)
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  (936): View more from Texas

  Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.

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  (936): Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us. http://tfl.nu/b09c
  Replies (3) Good night (1761) Bad night (598)
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  (469): View more from Texas

  Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?

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  (469): Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened? http://tfl.nu/ksd8
  Replies (12) Good night (669) Bad night (1849)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.

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  (618): I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list. http://tfl.nu/7l9z
  Replies (7) Good night (1104) Bad night (489)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym

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  (781): Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym http://tfl.nu/lv47
  Replies (2) Good night (1022) Bad night (448)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.

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  (330): You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower. http://tfl.nu/aao1
  Replies (6) Good night (1361) Bad night (474)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  I just really need a hug and a shower beer

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  (512): I just really need a hug and a shower beer http://tfl.nu/4ssr
  Replies (5) Good night (894) Bad night (631)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".

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  (616): The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag". http://tfl.nu/vc6w
  Replies (2) Good night (318) Bad night (590)
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  (585): View more from New York

  My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.

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  (585): My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college. http://tfl.nu/nxrm
  Replies (1) Good night (451) Bad night (245)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional

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  (908): I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional http://tfl.nu/0jgi
  Replies (4) Good night (557) Bad night (240)

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