drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.