Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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