I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
