UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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