my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Randomize
