Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
