Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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