apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
