I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
