i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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