Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
