i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
