Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
