Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
