I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
